November Elections

If the time between this post and the last tells you how quickly time passes in parenthood, then you will truly begin to understand this crazy time. I feel like I was just writing about the first week of school and here we are several months in to it.  I am currently sharing a twin size bed with a sweet 5 year old staring at his tiny face in the glow of the hall light. It is giving me some peace in the crazy world of today. 

Elections are going on this week. I think the entire country has been in a heightened state of anxiety because of it. Between Trump and Biden the world is split. Shady things going on on both sides and each side is prepared for battle. It’s hard to explain to Madison everything going on with both parties while still maintaining age appropriate answers. The world isn’t just black and white, baby girl. THERE IS SO MUCH GREY. Polls closed tuesday and we still don’t know who won. Big cities have boarded up their shops to avoid destruction during the possible riots. RIOTS?! This is the world I am raising my kids in, and I hate it.  Covid turned the world upside down. 7 months ago I enjoyed the extra time with my kids and staying inside all together, but it had turned the outside world into and ugly place.  I am thankful they have been able to return to school and have some sort of normal schedule, I know my friends in California haven’t been as lucky. 

I am trying my hardest to raise my children to be good people but I have felt drained this week. Felt like the things I am doing aren’t enough and find myself overwhelmed often because of it. This journal has been like therapy to me. I am honest. I vent all my feelings both good and bad. I’m sure at times it seems like this whole thing is only complaining, I don’t mean for it to be. I just want the honest record of it all. When my kids are older and having babies of their own I don’t want to have the “rose colored glasses” remembering everything as perfect. That isn’t helpful to new parents. I want my kids to know they aren’t alone in this whole parenting thing. So my babies, if this comes off harsh I hope you understand it isn’t meant to be. I love you both so deeply and I already get depressed thinking about how quickly the time is going by. 

Motherhood is wild - first week of school 2020

Summer has ended and the first week of school for both my children has started. We are lucky that in the state of Utah they are allowing in person learning as covid-19 still rages on across the US. I secretly think they will have a spike in numbers with the up coming flu season and they will get scared and send everyone home again to distance learn. I pray that isn’t the case but I fear it may. Life has slowly been returning back to normal after the weirdest summer we’ve ever had. The kids are back in gymnastics, we moved to our new home, school started and we are beginning to feel settled in to a routine again. 

Braden started kindergarten last week. He may have been smiling under his mask but I was bawling behind mine. I did so good holding it together for Madison and only a few tears as I got in to the car. The following week we took Braden for his first day and I could not contain it. The principal was walking around with his boom box playing “try everything” by Shakira. Our preschool song... playing... as I said good bye to my baby. The song that played at the start of every preschool day, to the boy who has been to preschool with me since the womb. It seemed fitting to start this next chapter with that song. I could sense the excitement and fear as Braden grabbed my hand. After we dropped him off I sobbed in the car while Zach and I drove to breakfast, something we had been DREAMING of for years. The day of celebration when our babies would finally both be in school and we could enjoy or time alone  together. But motherhood is funny like that — the thing you want most is a break from it all and when that break happens you just want them back. 

I was taking to a girlfriend who chose distance learning for her daughter this year because of covid. She was worried about keeping her home from kindergarten. I told her about my “bonus year” with Madi and how much fun it was for us. I enjoyed the extra year I got to be with her and do things as a family. At the time I remember being so upset and stressed about her missing out that I didn’t really realize how much of an actual bonus it was. That year flew by.... and then the next 2 flew by, and here we are starting third grade. Walking in to her first day with all the confidence I could have ever hoped for for that little girl. Not the scared, crying, little one I had to drag out of the car two years before. 

Pathetic is that I’m currently sobbing while writing this in my bed — but I want to remember. 

When the world exploded in March school was switched to online  and all the kids were sent home. Preschool was cancelled. Stores were closed and there was nothing to do but be together. Now, I’m a fun mom. I really am. And I was fun from about March - May. Then I was a burnt out, grumpy mom, counting down the minutes till school started again and I didn’t have to be their teacher anymore. However the minute they got out of the car my heart sank and I wanted them back. 

It really hit me this week that we are on to the next chapter. I knew it had quietly been sneaking up on me this past year but now it’s like BAM it’s here. Deal with it. I was talking to Madi about what she wanted for her birthday and it was all “grown up” things. Braden is suddenly independent. They don’t need me for the things they used to. What used to fill my mornings with bubble guppies and doc mcstuffins is now these weird tween cartoons and medical / science shows they like watching. WHAT?! When did this happen?! They wake up on their own and make breakfast before I’m even out of bed. 

When you’re a new mother you BEG for time to pass quickly. You miss your “previous life” and can’t wait for your kids to grow to get some of that freedom back but I’m here to tell you... I’m at the beginning of that stage right now and if I could rewind the last decade with the knowledge I have now, I would. I would soak in every late night, every sleepy snuggle, every silly song, every belly laugh, every messy face, or bubble bath because before you know it they are just gone. There is no warning that today is their last day as a baby.... it just slowly slips away and in their place is a smart sassy kid. 

So this is my reminder to myself to SOAK IT IN. Soak in their childhood years right along with them. Put down your damn phone and just be there in the moment. The quote “the years are short but the days are long” drove me nuts as a new mother but oh how true those words echo in my head. 

Last week in our first home

I’m currently admiring my garden as the sun begins to set. I can hear the crowds from the baseball games at the park near our home. The breeze rustling the leaves of our cherry tree.  A dog barking at the apartments across the way. Cars wizzing by. And the occasional train chugging along. 

Our house is old but it is perfect. In the evenings our entire backyard is in the shade, so it’s perfect for hosting parties during the summer. 

We’ve lived in this home the last 3 1/2 years. Braden had birthdays 2-5 in this backyard and it went up for sale on his 5th birthday. The backyard is huge. It’s home to a shed, plum tree, cherry tree, and two garden boxes Zach built. We have poured so much love in to this home. We have done countless projects along the way. We love our neighbors, and though it may be old, we loved this house too. We have learned so much as first time home owners, we’ve made mistakes and learned from them. 

We weren’t planning on moving any time soon. This new house literally fell in our laps and felt so right. It’s only a year old, same amount of bedrooms, still a good size yard, but it has a basement and an actual master bedroom and closet. It checked so many boxes of all the dreams we had for our old house and the deciding factor for us was that Madison didn’t have to change schools which would help with the anxiety about moving. Also the market is hot and we had quite a bit of equity in our home so financially it was the right thing to do as well. I am thankful to no longer be spending all our extra money fixing up this house. It will be a blessing all around, I think. 

This week I’m just trying to soak it all in. The good and the bad that this house has to offer. I will miss my garden. I will miss the view of the mountains from my bedroom window. I will miss how the afternoon light pours in the front room window. I will miss sitting on that couch watching cars pass by. I will miss seeing milo perched up on that same couch waiting for us to come home. I will miss waiving at all my friends as they pass by.  I will miss hearing baseball games on summer nights. 

July

This month marks the half way point of the year. It's crazy to think that so much of the year has already passed. I was talking to a friend earlier today saying how in March every day just dragged on and then suddenly it's July and we are getting things ready for school to start.

This week I took Madison school shopping. I like to go early in the summer and avoid the rush. I won't buy shoes until closer to the start because she is growing like a weed. Things in the world are a little different right now and so most of her shopping was done online. She is starting to really have opinions on what she is wearing so I really have to get her input as far as clothes go. Braden on the other hand will wear anything. He doesn't care if it matches, is dirty, and most of the time won't wear a shirt. I bought him a couple outfits for the first week of school and his "big boy" backpack. I still can't believe he is starting kindergarten next month. I'm hoping the Covid stuff will calm down a bit and he will be able to have a normal school year, otherwise we will really be considering homeschooling. They proposed having the children wear mask the entire time while at school and I just don't think that is going to work out well for anyone. Truly, I want the kids to be safe and I am worried about Covid, it's just not practical to make them wear the masks all day long. I just don't know what options we really have. This has make quite the impact on the world around us. Businesses are forever closing their doors, restaurants are taking a hit, and every thing is trying to figure out how to become efficient online.

We have tried to keep things as normal as possible with the kids and have recently started taking them with us to the stores again but that ever looming threat of Covid still hangs around.

In other news, we very randomly decided to move.... in the middle of a pandemic. Smart, right? Our first home is nearing 25 years old. It is starting to need a lot of work done. During the almost 4 years here we have put a lot of work and love in to this place. We've reached a point where our flooring needs to be done, and I spoke with a realtor friend about what would be the most beneficial to put our money towards for resale value. She came over and talked with us about all the updates we've already done to the home and all we are thinking of doing. She mentioned looking at a couple houses close by to see how they had done things to give us a better idea of what to do. After looking for a couple houses we were driving back home and happened to pass another house for sale. We looked at it the next day and fell in love. It's still about the same as the house we have currently, but it has a basement and just a little more room to grow. We put an offer in and got our house ready and on the market within 72 hours. Talk about an insane weekend. Then 10 days went by with no offers on our house. I guess it's hard to sell a house right by the train tracks. During those 10 days we looked at a couple other houses and found a second house, our forever home. We instantly fell in love and put an offer in. Then we left to go camping. While we were gone we got TWO offers on our house and our offer for the "forever home" was outbid by another buyer by 50k. Insane. So we looked around at a couple more houses and still were in love with the first house. After extending our first offer they re accepted our second offer and we are officially under contract in our current home and our future home. It's about 3 minutes from our current house. Built in 2018 and still has three bedrooms. It has a decent size yard which most of the new builds don't, and room to grow in the basement.

I feel so stupid. I am excited for the move, I know the positives of the newer house, and the money pit our house is becoming. However, as I sit here... in my backyard during sunset, looking at our huge cherry tree, listening to the train pass by, and cursing the damn mosquitoes... I don't want to go. I have fallen in love with our neighbors and the traditions of this house. It holds a huge piece of my heart. It was our first home. Our family has grown so much while we were here. Braden was 18 months old when we moved in. Now he's 5. I will miss the kids climbing the cherry tree, that was perfectly ripe every year on the week of Braden's Birthday. I will miss the beautiful garden box my husband built me so I can continue to grow my hobby of gardening. I will miss the evenings when my backyard is entirely and perfectly in the shade for gatherings on summer nights.  I will miss being walking distance to some of the best people I know. I will miss being able to walk to the park and elementary school. I know these things are stupid and I know that we aren't moving far so I can't just jump in the car when I want to but still.

I love how much this house has forced us to grow. We have learned how to be homeowners. We have taken on new projects and tried new things. Some were fun learning experiences and others were mandatory because we had to fix something that broke. We've grown up a lot. Thank you for the memories 1725 W 140 S. I know the next house will provide just as many growing opportunities as this one did.

Happy 5th Birthday Braden

Wow, how the years have flown. I can still vividly remember your first birthday party and it’s hard for me to come to terms with that being 4 years ago. I remember where our life was 5 years ago and how different things are now. When you were born we were in a 500sq ft basement apartment with two kids and a dog. We would live there for another 18 months after you were born. Then we moved in to our house (1725 w 140 s) and that summer had your second birthday. Today- of all days- and in an unexpected turn of events- the sign went up in our front yard that our home is for sale and once again we are moving.....but that’s another story for another day. 

You started life as a stubborn but very easy baby. You put me in the hospital and preterm labor from 27 weeks on but when it was time to eject you, you didn’t want to go, and then you came in one sudden WOOOSH. Then for three days you kept failing the hearing test. The doctors were legitimately concerned that you were deaf. They brought me paperwork on the specialists I would need to go see and what to do next. And then, on the third day, just as we were leaving the hospital, they wanted to test you one more time and BOOM. You passed. That’s you bubba. You march to the beat of your own drum. You were my easy going, great sleeping baby, but also my tenacious and limit pushing toddler. 

Today you turned 5. Today you are not really my baby toddler anymore, you’ve moved on to the big kid side of life. I’m thankful it’s not the teen years yet but it still  blows my mind that I’m no longer shopping in the baby section at any store. It’s hard to see your youngest grow up. The saying “the days are long but the years are short” summarizes motherhood completely. I think back to 5 years ago when I would give anything for a shower and a nap. The days seemed to drag on at times while I counted down the minutes until you were both big enough and on to the next stage. No more bottles, diapers, binkies, etc. Now we’re here. I blinked and my babies grew up. 

Braden you are fire and spice. You bring happiness every where you go but you also have the power to burn the house down if your needs aren’t met. You have an insanely good memory and never forget things, especially when it’s a promise I’ve made to get you a treat or prize on (insert future day).  Parenting you is so different from your sister. You are wild and vocal about your emotions. Which isn’t a bad thing, and truthfully I think you get those qualities from me. I have grown and learned so much from being your mom. Everything I thought I knew has been different with you. I have learned more patience and what it’s like to fight with a mini version of myself. You love passionately. You love adventure. 

Right now in life you love to climb on any rock you find. You are obsessed with technology, truly obsessed. You will play any video game, iPad, or game you find. You love to play “army men”- so much so that it was the theme for your party. You still love sushi, newsies, and anything blue raspberry flavor. You love to have dance parties and play chance the card game. You love to jump on the trampoline with sister, and you liked gymnastics until you got moved to a higher level and things got hard. When the coaches push you too much you just stomp out of class. You like to be included with the big boys, and do whatever they are doing. We had your birthday party and 9 friends came. Four of which were over the age of 8, but came as good sports to support you. We are still working on night time potty training, you sometimes can do it but sometimes I think you’re just too lazy in the morning to actually make it to the potty. 

You just finished speech therapy for the year and have made so much progress. Honestly I will miss how you say certain words but I know it’s for the best. 

When you call for Madison you yell SISTAS like how they do in the movie hocus pocus. 

In the fall you start piano lessons AND kindergarten. Again, my baby is growing up and it’s weird. 

I kick myself all the time that I didn’t document your tiny stages as much as I should of. I hope both of my kids look back at their lives and know how deeply their mother loved them. How much I tried to remember those moments and document them. You. Are. So. Loved. 

Sometimes you look at me with those big brown eyes and I just melt. I don’t know how I got to be the mom of the most wonderful little boy in the world. After your birthday party we all went to the pool as a family. When it was time to leave uncle josh said “ok buddy time to go” and you replied “hold on a second, I just want to remember this day” then you took a deep breath and looked all around you. Once we got home, you blew out the candles and when you took a bite of your cake you ran over to my side and squeezed me and said I was the best cake baker ever. Then daddy and I tucked you in to bed and I sang you to sleep. 

Happy birthday little man. Today was chaos but I loved every minute with you. 

”Little boys should never be sent to bed, they always wake up a day older.” Peter Pan 

Corona Virus aka Co-vid19

This week has been wild. Almost two months ago a virus broke out in China. It killed thousands in a short amount of time, because of the densely packed population. Corona presents as a fever, cough and respiratory distress so older folks are extremely as risk. They have been calling this the “boomer virus” because it is only killing older folks and sparing children at this point. 

However because of international travel the virus quickly spread over the world. Over the last couple months I grabbed a few extra items from the grocery store to prepare a little and up my pantry stock. At the beginning of winter EVERY YEAR I prepare my “barf bucket”. That bucket is full of all types of cleaners, sanitizers, Gatorade, and things of that nature. Because barf hits at the worst time and you can’t always make it to the store. So I had plenty of cleaning products on hand. 

Yesterday (3/12/20) 

*The governor of Utah declared a state of emergency. 

*The Prophet cancelled church and other meetings. Including people coming to the conference center for general conference next month. 

*Disneyland closed its doors for two weeks. 

* The president closed international travel and declared a Pandemic on our nation. 

* colleges and school districts closed or put their teachings online. 

* And they are asking anyone that can work from home to please do so. 

Needless to say PEOPLE ARE FREAKED. Toilet paper and water bottles disappeared off the shelves two weeks ago but now because of the announcements yesterday people are panic buying even more. The announcements came out while I was at preschool. I had planned to go to the grocery store after school anyways but when I arrived there was a line OUT THE DOOR to check out. No carts available. People were exhausted and grumpy waiting over 2 hours to check out. It felt and looked like the worst Black Friday I had ever seen. I quickly walked out of the store and went home. Today Madison had a minimal day at school and the preschool field trip was cancelled so we are just having a chill day at home. We have enough food for two weeks. We will run out of some snack items I’m sure but we will make it work. It’s a great chance to take inventory of what we have. Not waste food and reset for future food storage. 

I’m not worried about getting sick. I’m more worried about being stuck at home for 2 weeks or more not being allowed to go out. 

We survived SARS, swine flu, Y2K, 9/11... we got this!

I’m also interested to see how many babies are born in 9 months. 

Valentine’s Day

I freaking love my daughter. The last few days I have seen some pretty amazing and creative Valentine boxes, I asked Madison all month if she wanted/needed to make one. Her response to me was “naw, I’m just going to use my lunch box so it’s easy and I can just zip it up and go”. She’s a practical one and saved this momma from an epic Pinterest fail. 

I am also thankful that I was able to get my blogger app back on my phone so I can keep better track of things in 2020 to remember things like this. 

A good day

Yesterday was a good day for motherhood. It didn’t start that way but it ended that way. Wednesday I spent several hours machine power cleaning the couch. The next day I got out of the shower and came downstairs to find marker in several spots on the couch. “Respond with kindness” I had to say a million times over. Turns out Braden wanted to color me a Valentine while he watched a show.  Sweet right? 

Madison used one of her “get out of school free” days yesterday so she was home as well. Both my babies home together and a huge snow storm going on all day. We snuggled on the couch and played games in the morning. They helped me shovel the driveway and when we came back in from the snow we all sat down to have lunch. They wanted chips and guacamole and both begged to watch newsies. We had our picnic lunch and then had to leave for preschool. I sat there looking at my two sweet babies. I’ve been mourning this stage so much this year. Holding on to ever last moment of when my babies are still babies. The last year Braden is home with me all day. I look forward to the break but at the same time I cry going in to this chapter. I realized in our family photo books 2019 was the year of Braden. He was with me all the time so during the day we had more adventures and activities while sister was in school. I miss her during the day. I don’t know what life will look like when they are both in school. I know my job as a mother isn’t over but now what?? So on this snowy day I snuggled my babies in close and just enjoyed them. I smelled their hair, I held their hands and I played. I looked at their little faces thinning out and looking more like kids. The soft baby fluff hair is replaced with thick locks. Little ribs poke out as they are climbing in to the bath instead of chubby baby tummy’s and thighs. Trying to memorize motherhood. Because even though there were days I couldn’t wait and literally begged for this next chapter to hurt up..... it still came so much faster than I was ready for. 

 Madison had to tag along and be my helper and after the day of teaching she told me “I had no idea your job was this hard.”  A little bit of empathy for her mother. 

Braden left for a play date after school and Madi and I walked around her book fair before our parent teacher conference. Madison was top scores across all areas. Such a comfort for this momma heart. I couldn’t imagine how much I would dread those conferences if I had a “difficult” child, coming from someone where education isn’t my strength, I’m glad they take after their Dad. 

Across the aisle

I crossed the aisle today. 

You know, the one that separates the toddler sizes from the big kid sizes.

If you’re shrugging your shoulders and saying “so what?” . . . it’s probably because you haven’t done it yet.

The other morning our four-year-old was standing in the kitchen when I noticed how short his 5T pajamas were getting on his tall frame. It was obvious he needed the next size up, so I made a mental note to grab some for him the next time I went to Target. Not a big deal.

Except it WAS a big deal to this mama’s heart.

I was standing right smack dab in the middle of the toddler section, between the Cat & Jacks and the Carter’s, when it hit me that there was no such thing as 6T. 

Because once a kid is big enough to be in 6T, he’s actually ready to move on up to boy sizes. 

Not baby. Not toddler. But boy. Like, KID boy.

Across the aisle.

I realized in that moment I've been living in denial. 

I see my boy growing up before my eyes. I’ve noticed the edges of his face becoming less round and more mature. I’ve heard the witty things he says. I’ve noticed the way he pours his own cereal and makes his own bed. I’ve listened as he tells me more and more often, “No thanks, Mom. I don’t need help this time.” 

I’ve had a front-row seat to his metamorphosis, but I haven’t accepted it—not really. 

Because in my mind, he’s still a baby. That sweet, smiley, precious little baby—the first one we ever brought home from the hospital. 

My heart hasn’t been ready to admit that now he’s a boy who will be starting school in the blink of an eye. A boy who is officially outgrowing the remnants of toddlerhood. A boy whose height apparently requires his mama to make her first trips across the aisle.

As I stepped foot into the big boy section, my heart physically ached at the reminder of passing time.

I felt a spark of hope when I saw how big all of the clothes hanging on the racks were. They were HUGE—surely he wasn’t really big enough to wear those yet. Surely it wasn’t time. 

I grabbed a pair of Spiderman pajamas and made my way to the checkout, hopeful we’d have to store them in the closet for a while until he grew into them. 

On the drive home, I thought about newborn giggles and determined first steps and the way it sounded the first time he called me Mama. 

Then I thought with pride about all of the things he’s doing now. Playing basketball, learning to read, soaking up the world around him. 

And last, I thought about all the things his future has in store. And I smiled through teary eyes.

At home, his eyes lit up when I handed him the bag, and even though it was only 4:30 he ran off to his room to change. I watched him go and swallowed the lump in my throat.

He’s growing up, this beautiful first blessing of mine—but we’re both gonna be okay.

And those boy-sized Spiderman pjs? 

They fit perfectly.

2019-2020

As the year comes to a close I have to give an overview of everything in our world right now. 

Remember that puppy I got for my 30th birthday? Yeah, he gone. In January we had to find him a different forever home after he chewed up several things of mine and Milo started refusing to eat and went on hunger strike until he lost weight. Charlie is now part of an awesome family in Provo and we are happy for him. 

Milo is still hanging out and being the most chill 3 year old dog ever. We love him lots! 

Braden turned 4 this year. He’s starting to lose his baby fat and looking more like a little boy every day. Last night we were watching home alone and I kept laughing that Kevin reminded me so much of him. Always up to something. He loves to play nerf battles, with his army men, with hot wheels and color with his sister. When dad is home he loves to play video games with him or “pretend video games” where they run around the house shooting guns on a mission. 

Braden LOVES milk. It’s his drink of choice. Still won’t drink soda at all, which I’m totally ok with. He still isn’t night time potty trained but apparently boys take forever with that. He is doing speech therapy once a week at the elementary school. His teacher was miss Jana but is now mrs castle. He loves showing off for her and is working hard on his sounds. I will definitely miss his toddler speech but I know it’s important to fix now. I can’t believe he will be in kindergarten in the fall. 

Madison is a rockstar in second grade. She’s a bit of a teachers pet and is always so well behaved at school. She is already getting involved with school yard girl drama that I swear I had a few more years till I had to worry about it. She loves rocks, LOL dolls, anything art, metallic tattoos and makeup. She loves having dance parties and is always willing to snuggle when we watch tv. Right now before bed she likes to climb in to my bed and watch a show called Nailed It, just her and I. She’s turning in to a mini me and I love it. She’s also getting good at piano but has recently told me she wants to stop that and learn violin. I told her she can learn both. 

Zach is doing big things. The man never sits still. I would love to be in his brain for one day. He’s always coming up with an invention or a way to fix an issue at work. He recently was head hunted by several companies that want him to work for them.... yes, he is that good. He said he wants to go back for his PHD but I told him we are young, we can wait a bit till more school. I don’t know where we will end up but with this guy I know at least the road to get there will be fun! 

I am in my last year of teaching preschool. After 5 crazy busy years, our doors are closing. The preschool I’m currently with (Little Explorers) will be closing and it seems fitting considering I will no longer have a preschooler and life is about to get even more busy. However I am sad to close this chapter in my life. I have really enjoyed teaching and I love those kids. I have been thankful for the experiences, the knowledge and especially the growth I have had as a person. Not to mention never having to pay for my children’s preschool ($$$$). I have loved having a front row seat to their child development and watching them learn and grow, I am lucky I got to help in that when most parents never see it. 

I was having a hard time wrapping my head around next year. With Braden gone every morning and me no longer working WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!? It really stated to depress me and I felt like I needed to find a job or decide what would keep me busy next year. Zach pointed out that because I have taught the last 5 years, this will actually be my first time with a “morning off”. It definitely put things in to perspective. I will be able to run errands, go to the gym, clean the house or do whatever needs to be done without little kids in tow. That seems so weird. I thought I would be raising babies for at least another 10 years so it’s hard to realize this next chapter is already happening. And after that Braden is In first grade and my babies are gone ALL day. So for the remainder of this school year I will accept my chaos and soak in every moment and in the fall I will enjoy my one year of “mornings off” while I figure out this next season of life we are in. 

It’s crazy to think that an entire decade has passed.... and I have spent that ENTIRE decade with Zach. I’ve said it before that the 10 year mark is so significant to me. As a child it’s the year you hit double digits and begin to think you’re on top of the world. In marriage, it shows 1/3 of my life and the ups and downs and growth that come along in that amount of time. I am proud to say I am no where near the woman I was 10 years ago. Though she was spunky and fun, she was also nieve and self conscious. In the last 10 years I have become a wife and mother and though those two things are not the only things that define me, they make up such a huge part of who I am today and for that, I am grateful to end the year/decade with them.