I haven't written in this journal in quite some time. I feel like I'm going through what I will call " the dark ages". I have been dealing with some major depression lately and have lost interest in several things in my life. The thing I forget, is that this journal, though consuming at times, is actually a relief for me as well. Its a moment for me to breath and to speak without holding back and with no judgement. In the "Mom World" I feel like every time I open my mouth its a chance for another mother to judge my parenting, my personality, and everything in between. Mom's are some of the most opinionated people I know. The last thing I would do is admit to a fellow mother that I'm struggling.
However this journal is for my children. Who, many years from now when reading this, will (hopefully) not judge me too harshly but have a better understanding that their Mother is a real person with emotions.
Now to tell you how things are currently going. In January Zach started his job with Classic Air Med. This has been a blessing and a curse in our life. The money has been a big help but it has been so hard to have Zach leave us for 6-8 days at a time. The single Mom life is so difficult. This has only been magnified because of my depression. I have a short fuse, I have no desire to clean the house, do laundry, my Young Women calling, or anything for that matter. I yell at my children every day and I'm not the mother I was or want to be. I cry every night after I tuck my babies in bed and realize what a horrible mother I was that day. I hope that you are both small enough right now that you will never remember this part of your mother and this phase will be over quickly. We've started looking at houses because my babies need to have more space to grow up in. However, that was again put on hold as Zach applied for a job with the FBI and has passed their first round of testing. He will have a few more rounds before we will know if he got the job or not. If he gets the job he will leave us for SIX MONTHS for training and then we aren't even sure where we will end up. So perhaps his current job has just been practice for me being alone for SIX MONTHS. Ugh. My heart heart even thinking about it.
I feel stuck. I feel like we as a family can't move forward because we are waiting to find out what that next step is. Its so hard for be because as much as we need a bigger place, we love our ward, our neighbors and our location. One day many years from now we will laugh at the time we lived in 500 square feet for over three years with a husband, wife, daughter, son and a dog but for now its our every day. Truthfully, we've done well with our space. Its starting to feel a little cluttered and cramped but I just pretend I'm living in an apartment in New York and everyone only has this much space.... except we are paying a third what they pay there for rent. Yikes!
Confessions of a first time mom. If pregnancy and children came with an instruction manual these are the things that I wish would be included...
Monday, November 7, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
Hemangioma Removal
10/3/16
We got the bad boy removed! After a year at the dermatologist office and trying different ways to get the stupid thing removed we finally bit the bullet and opted for surgery.
I went for the usual monthly check up and growth hasn't slowed down since starting the medication and I really didn't feel good about increasing the dose simply because of the crazy side effects of this drug and being on such a small child. Up to this point we have tried lasers, topical medication and internal medication. All of which helped slightly but never made it smaller, we think it only slowed the growth. I asked the doctor if surgery was an option at this point because previously he had turned down surgery for Braden and wanted to try other things first. Thankfully after a moment of thought.. he agreed.
Dr Brad Huber (dermatologist) said it would be gone about 50% by the age of 5 and 90% by the age of 9. I already receive so many comments about it, I can only imagine what elementary school would have been like with this large bump on his head. It looked more like a bonk instead of a birthmark but the comments, though mostly innocent, were still frequent. Kids are mean and as a mother you will do anything you can to protect your children and since this is something I could change, I will protect my son from the rude comments and teasing of others.
Dr Huber sent us to the best plastic surgeon he knew, Dr Jon Bishop. We had a consultation with him and he was more than willing to remove the hemangioma. He assured us that it would be a fairly easy procedure but reminded me multiple times that there would be a scar. I think he was under the assumption that I assumed that because he was a plastic surgeon he would be able to remove it with no scar. Thankfully having many friends in the medical field I am well aware that doctors are miracle workers but not magicians. I would also prefer a scar to a bump any day. So two weeks later we were scheduled for surgery.
Madison spent the night with Mimi the night before because we had to arrive at the hospital at 6 am to get him all checked in and ready to go. We arrived early that morning and Braden was in a surprisingly good mood considering he hadn't been allowed to eat since 11pm the night before. He played around the waiting room as we waited to be called back. He smiled at all the nurses and hospital staff. They took us back to our room and had us change Braden in to his hospital gown. Zach pulled him around the hospital floor in a wagon while we waited for Dr Bishop to arrive for the day. We weren't allowed to go back with him while they put him under or while he woke up. So once they took him back Zach and I went to grab something to eat at the cafeteria. We went back to the room and waited almost an hour before our little man returned. The doctor came in right after the surgery and told us everything went smoothly and that it was good we got the growth out now. He said it had a mind of its own and had grown a couple larger vessels that had attached to the muscle on Braden's forehead and so he removed some of the muscle along with the growth. There was no sign of stopping that thing.
They brought Braden back to us mostly awake and we gave him a bottle and watched him perk up as he drank it. Once he was finished we changed his clothes and said good bye to the hospital. He waved as we left and we went home. His head was covered in gauze and we were unable to see how big the incision was or anything because those bandages had to stay on for as long as possible. Three days later his bandage started to fall off and we were excited to catch a glimpse of the scar. Unfortunately under the bandage was steri strips and we STILL couldn't see how big it was. We wrapped his head back up and kept pressure on the incision for 10 days before the top bandage finally came off and a few short days later the steri strips came off as well. The scar looked amazing! You could barely notice it was there. Braden experienced a little pain for the first few days but then completely forgot about it all together. Until about a month later he fell and bonked his head which made it swell and so the scar is actually a little bigger now because of the swelling. Oh well. it still looks great!
We got the bad boy removed! After a year at the dermatologist office and trying different ways to get the stupid thing removed we finally bit the bullet and opted for surgery.
I went for the usual monthly check up and growth hasn't slowed down since starting the medication and I really didn't feel good about increasing the dose simply because of the crazy side effects of this drug and being on such a small child. Up to this point we have tried lasers, topical medication and internal medication. All of which helped slightly but never made it smaller, we think it only slowed the growth. I asked the doctor if surgery was an option at this point because previously he had turned down surgery for Braden and wanted to try other things first. Thankfully after a moment of thought.. he agreed.
Dr Brad Huber (dermatologist) said it would be gone about 50% by the age of 5 and 90% by the age of 9. I already receive so many comments about it, I can only imagine what elementary school would have been like with this large bump on his head. It looked more like a bonk instead of a birthmark but the comments, though mostly innocent, were still frequent. Kids are mean and as a mother you will do anything you can to protect your children and since this is something I could change, I will protect my son from the rude comments and teasing of others.
Dr Huber sent us to the best plastic surgeon he knew, Dr Jon Bishop. We had a consultation with him and he was more than willing to remove the hemangioma. He assured us that it would be a fairly easy procedure but reminded me multiple times that there would be a scar. I think he was under the assumption that I assumed that because he was a plastic surgeon he would be able to remove it with no scar. Thankfully having many friends in the medical field I am well aware that doctors are miracle workers but not magicians. I would also prefer a scar to a bump any day. So two weeks later we were scheduled for surgery.
Madison spent the night with Mimi the night before because we had to arrive at the hospital at 6 am to get him all checked in and ready to go. We arrived early that morning and Braden was in a surprisingly good mood considering he hadn't been allowed to eat since 11pm the night before. He played around the waiting room as we waited to be called back. He smiled at all the nurses and hospital staff. They took us back to our room and had us change Braden in to his hospital gown. Zach pulled him around the hospital floor in a wagon while we waited for Dr Bishop to arrive for the day. We weren't allowed to go back with him while they put him under or while he woke up. So once they took him back Zach and I went to grab something to eat at the cafeteria. We went back to the room and waited almost an hour before our little man returned. The doctor came in right after the surgery and told us everything went smoothly and that it was good we got the growth out now. He said it had a mind of its own and had grown a couple larger vessels that had attached to the muscle on Braden's forehead and so he removed some of the muscle along with the growth. There was no sign of stopping that thing.
They brought Braden back to us mostly awake and we gave him a bottle and watched him perk up as he drank it. Once he was finished we changed his clothes and said good bye to the hospital. He waved as we left and we went home. His head was covered in gauze and we were unable to see how big the incision was or anything because those bandages had to stay on for as long as possible. Three days later his bandage started to fall off and we were excited to catch a glimpse of the scar. Unfortunately under the bandage was steri strips and we STILL couldn't see how big it was. We wrapped his head back up and kept pressure on the incision for 10 days before the top bandage finally came off and a few short days later the steri strips came off as well. The scar looked amazing! You could barely notice it was there. Braden experienced a little pain for the first few days but then completely forgot about it all together. Until about a month later he fell and bonked his head which made it swell and so the scar is actually a little bigger now because of the swelling. Oh well. it still looks great!
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
I know my Father
I have been a Young Women's Leader in our ward for almost a year now. Though most of the time I wonder why they would ever call me to be a leader, I know deep down I am meant for this job.
I love my girls. I love learning about the new Beehives coming in and watching them grow in to these amazing Young Women. We have truly been blessed to be a part of an incredible ward. We are surrounded by these great examples of what I call "powerhouse people". Where you can feel their spirit shining through and the warmth of their testimony.
One family that we have looked up to has been the Barkdull's. Larry and Buffy Barkdull are this adorable older couple in our ward and their oldest son Gavin and his wife Tanya live just two doors down from them. When we first moved in Buffy was in the RS presidency and came over a few times and was just the sweetest thing while getting to know me. She felt so warm and genuine. Larry ALWAYS has a smile on his face, so friendly to others, and able to give a gospel doctrine class at a moments notice.
Gavin is in the bishopric and is unbelievably sweet. I have served with his wife Tanya in YW and have loved her more every day. She has an amazing vocal talent.
On September 5th, Larry suddenly passed away. It came as a shock to the entire ward that loved him and his family so much. We were all at a loss as to what we could do to help. Amanda Sheilds (YW leader) felt impressed to go over and sing to them .
When we arrived on their door, they greeted us with tears in their eyes as we sang a few hymns. When we finished Brother Barkdull gave us each a hug and said
"I know my Father and I know my Father. And I know you know what that means. It is going to be ok. Yes, we are sad as we mourn the loss of my Fathers sudden passing, but I know we will see him again. I have such a testimony of the Plan of Salvation. It will all be ok"
I was so impressed that someone going through so much greif was able to put those hard feelings aside and comfort all of the Young Women with his strong testimony.
I love my girls. I love learning about the new Beehives coming in and watching them grow in to these amazing Young Women. We have truly been blessed to be a part of an incredible ward. We are surrounded by these great examples of what I call "powerhouse people". Where you can feel their spirit shining through and the warmth of their testimony.
One family that we have looked up to has been the Barkdull's. Larry and Buffy Barkdull are this adorable older couple in our ward and their oldest son Gavin and his wife Tanya live just two doors down from them. When we first moved in Buffy was in the RS presidency and came over a few times and was just the sweetest thing while getting to know me. She felt so warm and genuine. Larry ALWAYS has a smile on his face, so friendly to others, and able to give a gospel doctrine class at a moments notice.
Gavin is in the bishopric and is unbelievably sweet. I have served with his wife Tanya in YW and have loved her more every day. She has an amazing vocal talent.
On September 5th, Larry suddenly passed away. It came as a shock to the entire ward that loved him and his family so much. We were all at a loss as to what we could do to help. Amanda Sheilds (YW leader) felt impressed to go over and sing to them .
When we arrived on their door, they greeted us with tears in their eyes as we sang a few hymns. When we finished Brother Barkdull gave us each a hug and said
"I know my Father and I know my Father. And I know you know what that means. It is going to be ok. Yes, we are sad as we mourn the loss of my Fathers sudden passing, but I know we will see him again. I have such a testimony of the Plan of Salvation. It will all be ok"
I was so impressed that someone going through so much greif was able to put those hard feelings aside and comfort all of the Young Women with his strong testimony.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
12- 13 Months
Size 3 diapers
Head 19.3 98%
Length 29.7 44%
Weight 20.33 33%
Clothing mostly 12 months some 18.
No longer on formula, changed to whole milk pretty easily.
Sleeping almost through the night, still 1-2 wake ups around 11 and 4am.
7 teeth. They grow in so slow and one at a time its crazy.
LOVING blueberries, hotdogs, mac n cheese, kale chips, and anything chocolate.
Wants to do everything sister does all the time. Loves to jump on the trampoline. Makes the cutest little snort noise when we are piggies and gives big head butts when you ask for kisses.
Braden understands almost everything we tell him. "pick up trash" " where is your bottle" " what's in your mouth" " go play with the puppy"
He has started copying Madison and will grab the remote and ask to sit on the couch and watch a show.
Head 19.3 98%
Length 29.7 44%
Weight 20.33 33%
Clothing mostly 12 months some 18.
No longer on formula, changed to whole milk pretty easily.
Sleeping almost through the night, still 1-2 wake ups around 11 and 4am.
7 teeth. They grow in so slow and one at a time its crazy.
LOVING blueberries, hotdogs, mac n cheese, kale chips, and anything chocolate.
Wants to do everything sister does all the time. Loves to jump on the trampoline. Makes the cutest little snort noise when we are piggies and gives big head butts when you ask for kisses.
Braden understands almost everything we tell him. "pick up trash" " where is your bottle" " what's in your mouth" " go play with the puppy"
He has started copying Madison and will grab the remote and ask to sit on the couch and watch a show.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Happy Birthday, Braden!
My sweet little boy,
It's hard to believe a year has already passed with you in our lives. You've grown so much and I look forward to what the future has in store for you. You are my earliest walker (10 1/2 months) but still not a talker. You get in to trouble daily but always make a funny face and we laugh it off. I can never stay mad at you for long. You bring a smile to my face every day. I can already tell how loving and caring you are. If Sister is upset you will go to her and try to make her feel better by giving her loves. Though you love playing in water, you hate getting it on your face. You love when we get in to tickle fights and blow raspberries on your tummy. You are my bottomless pit of a child, you will eat just about anything and large amounts of it.
You are our Mr. Independent. From a young age you decided you could do it all yourself. You were never really my cuddle boy. I had heard so much about how boys loved their moms so deeply and though I do believe you love me. It's just not the overly attached that I've heard so much about. From the moment you could hold your own bottle (5 months) you no longer wanted to be held while you were fed. No rocking to sleep. No late night cuddles. You could do it all your own. I swear if you could change your own diaper you would as well. I wonder where this quality will take you in life. Will you have the same drive as your Father to constantly be perfecting yourself and working hard to support your family? I know that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. You love to be outside which is a huge change from your sister the homebody.
There was a time shortly after you were born that I was freaking out A LOT. Hormones suck! I was worried how I would take care of TWO children on no sleep and make sure you both felt loved. I stayed up at night crying because breastfeeding hurt, my body hurt, and emotionally I felt so drained by this tiny boy who wanted to eat ALL the time. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed just praying for help and strength. When I was finished Madison woke from a deep sleep and came over to me and said "It's going to be ok, Mom". My heart burst. I knew it was. I was just so worried I couldn't do it all. I knew the first year was the hardest and each week would count down 51...50...49...48...etc. Because I knew if I could make it through this first year the rest would be a easier. Well at some point, I stopped counting. Things got easier. I got the hang of things. I learned what it meant to be a mother of two. Not every day was sunshine and rainbows but we survived. We did it together. You are a sweet baby. You gave me strength when I was weak. Remember who you are Mr Independent, I know you will do great things in this world.
Love,
Mom
It's hard to believe a year has already passed with you in our lives. You've grown so much and I look forward to what the future has in store for you. You are my earliest walker (10 1/2 months) but still not a talker. You get in to trouble daily but always make a funny face and we laugh it off. I can never stay mad at you for long. You bring a smile to my face every day. I can already tell how loving and caring you are. If Sister is upset you will go to her and try to make her feel better by giving her loves. Though you love playing in water, you hate getting it on your face. You love when we get in to tickle fights and blow raspberries on your tummy. You are my bottomless pit of a child, you will eat just about anything and large amounts of it.
You are our Mr. Independent. From a young age you decided you could do it all yourself. You were never really my cuddle boy. I had heard so much about how boys loved their moms so deeply and though I do believe you love me. It's just not the overly attached that I've heard so much about. From the moment you could hold your own bottle (5 months) you no longer wanted to be held while you were fed. No rocking to sleep. No late night cuddles. You could do it all your own. I swear if you could change your own diaper you would as well. I wonder where this quality will take you in life. Will you have the same drive as your Father to constantly be perfecting yourself and working hard to support your family? I know that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. You love to be outside which is a huge change from your sister the homebody.
There was a time shortly after you were born that I was freaking out A LOT. Hormones suck! I was worried how I would take care of TWO children on no sleep and make sure you both felt loved. I stayed up at night crying because breastfeeding hurt, my body hurt, and emotionally I felt so drained by this tiny boy who wanted to eat ALL the time. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed just praying for help and strength. When I was finished Madison woke from a deep sleep and came over to me and said "It's going to be ok, Mom". My heart burst. I knew it was. I was just so worried I couldn't do it all. I knew the first year was the hardest and each week would count down 51...50...49...48...etc. Because I knew if I could make it through this first year the rest would be a easier. Well at some point, I stopped counting. Things got easier. I got the hang of things. I learned what it meant to be a mother of two. Not every day was sunshine and rainbows but we survived. We did it together. You are a sweet baby. You gave me strength when I was weak. Remember who you are Mr Independent, I know you will do great things in this world.
Love,
Mom
Thursday, May 19, 2016
11 months
Spent first day in the hospital. It was miserable. Caught some sort of virus, spiked a high fever and could barely keep his eyes open. We brought him to the doctor which advised bringing him to the hospital to get some fluids. 8 long hours later we were sent home... and $1,000 later you're completely healthy. That was on April 15.
Size two diapers.
Sprouted two more teeth, for a total of 4 teeth in the last month. You're top two teeth came in a few weeks apart so for a bit you were a total snaggle tooth.
Crawling, climbing and walking all over the place.
Always getting in to trouble. ALWAYS
Favorite things to do include playing in the dog crate and throwing the food everywhere. Splashing in the toilet when no one is watching. Unrolling all the toilet paper. Making a mess anywhere you can.
Loves to eat all adult food and has recently started transitioning to whole milk instead of formula.
Loves blueberries, pasta, turkey, avocado, mac n cheese, chicken, chocolate. Has a major sweet tooth.
Dislikes banana, crackers, green beans,
Waking still about three times at night to eat but this week has gone back to bed without eating and even last night only woke once! Wakes up for the day at 7am now, thanks to the dog. You used to sleep in till 8:30. Still only taking one nap a day but this new waking up early thing may change that.
Now that its warm outside. You love to be outdoors, sticking everything in your mouth and driving me crazy keeping track of you.
Size two diapers.
Sprouted two more teeth, for a total of 4 teeth in the last month. You're top two teeth came in a few weeks apart so for a bit you were a total snaggle tooth.
Crawling, climbing and walking all over the place.
Always getting in to trouble. ALWAYS
Favorite things to do include playing in the dog crate and throwing the food everywhere. Splashing in the toilet when no one is watching. Unrolling all the toilet paper. Making a mess anywhere you can.
Loves to eat all adult food and has recently started transitioning to whole milk instead of formula.
Loves blueberries, pasta, turkey, avocado, mac n cheese, chicken, chocolate. Has a major sweet tooth.
Dislikes banana, crackers, green beans,
Waking still about three times at night to eat but this week has gone back to bed without eating and even last night only woke once! Wakes up for the day at 7am now, thanks to the dog. You used to sleep in till 8:30. Still only taking one nap a day but this new waking up early thing may change that.
Now that its warm outside. You love to be outdoors, sticking everything in your mouth and driving me crazy keeping track of you.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Braden walking!
Braden took his first steps today at great grandma powells house. I wouldn't say he is an official walker by any means but he's started. Took 4 steps unassisted. He's been standing and balancing for almost two weeks now. It's been crazy to see how fast he's grown. I'm pretty sure Madi didn't walk till after a year. I sure love my mr independent!!
Thursday, April 14, 2016
10 months of Bubba
19 lb
28 inches
Head size 75%
You're in the 27% for weight for kids your age. Guess you're kinda small. And all along I thought you were growing in to my big boy.
Size 2 diapers
Size clothing 9-12 months
Finally got three teeth in the last two weeks and working on your fourth.
Still hating baby food and waking to eat three times at night
Blond hair and green brown eyes like daddy. Standing and getting in to everything. Can stand for a few seconds without holding on to things. Maybe you'll be walking by your first birthday.
Loves sweets though we try not to give them often you go crazy for anything sweet.
Loves baked beans, pasta, avocados
Can drink from a sippy cup and always trying to steal sisters. Haven't mastered the straw yet but loves to have drinks given to him like a little bird from a straw.
Learning to cuddle and give loves. Totally becoming a momma's boy because stranger danger is a real thing right now. Daddy was gone for a week and you almost forgot him for a few minutes.
Currently you are laying in my arms because you are in the perfect storm of crappiness. You're teething, got shots today, getting over a ear infection from last week, didn't sleep great last night, and just been super fussy all day... Icing on the cake? You just PUKED. THANKFULLY mommy sensed something was up and rolled you off of me before you unloaded four ounces of formula. So gross. Also thankfully daddy is home after being gone for 6 days and can help out. You have no fever so we aren't sure what's going on. Praying this isn't the stomach flu from the winter. We can't all get this again.
Loves videos of puppies. Not sure how you will react when we HAVE a puppy next week. We are getting aunt cindy's puppy Milo from California. His mom is a cockapoo and his dad is a shitzu.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Life update
Zach accepted a job as a flight paramedic back in January. He has been at it for over three months. The company is called classic lifeguard. For now he is mostly doing transports but I know he is so excited for the time to come when he will have to arrive on an accident scene. He's kinda a sick kid if you think about it. He really loves his job but hates the commute to Wyoming so often. We have no plans of moving there but I know he can't commute like this forever. We bought a second car in February to help get better gas mileage. It's so strange to have two cars again because we have gone almost three and s half years as a single car family. Though I do not love having two car payments again, it's been nice how much freedom this has given us. Zach is still also teaching EMT classes through UVU as well as working at mountain point hospital in lehi.
Madison has dropped out of preschool. Once I started teaching there it became I think too difficult on her to have me around. She constantly wanted to be in my class and didn't like to share me with others which made my job difficult. So instead of paying tuition and her never going to class, we decided it was not worth the battle and to take her out completely. Because of her birthday she won't be able to start kindergarten unto she is 6 anyways. Madi loves to help me cook any time we are in he kitchen. She also loves to watch movies and play educational games on her iPad. She is so freaking smart!! She Turned 3 1/2 in March and has quite the addtitude. We have learned to be even more careful about things we talk about because she's like a sponge and just soakes it right up. She said her first "oh shit" moment on 3/30 when I spilled a big box of toys. Parenting fail I guess. She also enjoys watching and medical/ surgical shows. Though I try not to watch them around her because of the graphic nature, it's so hard to tear her away. She is very thoughtful and asks questions about the situation and what is going on. It amazes me. I think she has gone a little stir crazy this winter because now that it is starting to warm up she wants to be outside all day long. She loves to ride her trike and jump on the "jumpoline". She is learning so much in sunbeams and has stolen the hearts of her teachers. Its so fun to catch her randomly singing primary songs during the day or reminding us to say a prayer. Madison loves to paint with watercolors and can spell her name. She also will tell you that her big name is Madison Macroni Peso Lyman while her brothers is Braden Allen Bubba Lyman.
Braden is currently obsessed with puppies. If you play a movie he will crawl as fast as he can to grab the phone from you. We took him to the pet store earlier this week and he went nuts! He as also started to do this really cute teasing face when he is playing with you. He will peek around a corner and once he catches your eye he smirks and hides. He's a smart one that kid. He has these deep belly laughs that just light up your day. Braden is mr independent and I believe that's my fault. Two kids keeps you busy so I am not able to hold him all the time like I did with Madison. However, he does. It seem to mind. He likes to play and get in to everything on his own. His favorite activity is to pull out everything from every cupboard he can get to. Needless to say our house is in a constant state of mess these days. He decided to stay up with me till 2am on 3/27 which was actually sort of fine since I was battling insomnia anyways.
As for me... I'm in the process of possibly donating a kidney to my cousin Kris. We dint know if I am a match yet but we are hopeful to find out soon. Well I'm still doing the mom life. I had to quit the preschool once Zach got this job as childcare became more difficult, however I still do sub and teach a music class there each week and plan on teaching 2 days a week starting next year. Raising two crazy kiddos sometimes gets the best of me but there are no other kids I would rather have. Braden loves to sing along with me when I practice belting out ballads. Madi cooks and cleans with me. These two are my whole world and my little best friends. I need to remember to soak in these days more and appreciate every second of it. To have more patience during the day and to use every opportunity as a teaching moment. Because sadly... One day they will grow up and not want to hang out with their mom all day. Sometimes I have a hard time being a mother. When I write these updates of what is going on in my life I feel stagnant. As though my life could be summed up as "same shit, different day". It's hard to feel like you have accomplished anything at the end of the day when your house is still a mess, you yelled at your kids more often then you want to admit, you didn't make a Pinterest worthy dinner, and frankly you look like you just rolled out of your unmade bed 20 minutes before your husband got home from work.
The bag under your eyes (I'm currently writing this at 1am, my favorite blogging hour), the wrinkles, the mommy pooch, the frizzy postpartum hair, yesterday's makeup, the chipped nail polish, and the lack of personal space and privacy I once took for granted.... They all are worth it to call these kids mine, and they love me just the way I am, hot mess and all. So I will do the same shit every day if it means I get to wake up to my sweet babies giving me nuggles and testing my patience all day long. Because they are mine forever.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
9 month old Braden
Height
Weight 18 lb
Diaper size 2
Shoe Size 2
Clothing 9-12 months
Napping 1-2 times a day
Sitting up for long periods of time
Crawling all over the place and standing up any chance he gets
STILL NO TEETH!! Sheesh!
Weight 18 lb
Diaper size 2
Shoe Size 2
Clothing 9-12 months
Napping 1-2 times a day
Sitting up for long periods of time
Crawling all over the place and standing up any chance he gets
STILL NO TEETH!! Sheesh!
UPDATE FIRST TOOTH MARCH 18
Loves to pull out all the DVD's... drives daddy crazy
Can clap, wave, and high five.
Makes the cutest mouth smacking sound when you try to give him kisses.
Loves to pull out all the DVD's... drives daddy crazy
Can clap, wave, and high five.
Makes the cutest mouth smacking sound when you try to give him kisses.
UPDATE WE HAVE LEARNED THE LIP SMACK NOISE MEANS MOMMA!
HATES baby food. But wants to eat anything you're eating and will scream if you ignore him.
Still not a snuggler despite his mothers constant efforts.
LOVES bath time and no longer needs his baby bath, its a whole new ball game with two toddlers in the bath at the same time.
He constantly is getting in to whatever madi is playing with and driving her nuts!
HATES baby food. But wants to eat anything you're eating and will scream if you ignore him.
Still not a snuggler despite his mothers constant efforts.
LOVES bath time and no longer needs his baby bath, its a whole new ball game with two toddlers in the bath at the same time.
He constantly is getting in to whatever madi is playing with and driving her nuts!
Loves to eat pears, baked beans, pasta and would like to eat two meals in his high chair every day. This has caused momma to become creative with his meals. If we cut it up small enough he can eat anything
Today he was extra grumpy and fussy. He ended up spiking a fever of 102 today and hopefully he will feel better in the morning. We aren't sure if this is side effects of teething or if he has a little cold, unfortunately our insurance won't kick in until April so we just have to wait it out. I originally thought it was going to start in March since Zach started his new job in January, but I guess its delayed a little more.
The hemangiona has continued to grow. He had about 6 treatments of the laser therapy but have had to wait because we have no insurance at the moment. We have been debating starting this medication to be taken twice daily. Its kind of risky to take with some pretty big side effects so we are hesitant to take it.
Today he was extra grumpy and fussy. He ended up spiking a fever of 102 today and hopefully he will feel better in the morning. We aren't sure if this is side effects of teething or if he has a little cold, unfortunately our insurance won't kick in until April so we just have to wait it out. I originally thought it was going to start in March since Zach started his new job in January, but I guess its delayed a little more.
The hemangiona has continued to grow. He had about 6 treatments of the laser therapy but have had to wait because we have no insurance at the moment. We have been debating starting this medication to be taken twice daily. Its kind of risky to take with some pretty big side effects so we are hesitant to take it.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Provo temple open house
Today our family went to the new city center Provo temple open house.
As we were getting ready this morning, we told Madison about the temple and how beautiful it was going to be inside.
She said "I know, I've been in a temple before"
Zach said " I don't think you ever have honey"
M- yes when you guys got married I watched you
Z- you weren't there for that Madi
M- I was I snuck in, Jesus let me do it.
I have no doubt that our little girl was there watching her parents be sealed together for time and all eternity. I felt her presence so strongly and often for years before I was pregnant with her. I never felt that way with her brother and I'm interested to know if I will feel it for future kids.
I will say that I have recently felt the need to adopt more children. That I know our family is not complete but Zach is done having children, or so he says. It's so hard to desire a big family but have no idea how we can support them when we are already so tight with just the four of us. I just know there are so many more kids out there that we could love.
Monday, February 15, 2016
8 months
Size 2 diapers
Clothing 6-9 months
Shoe size 2
Weight about 14 lb
No teeth yet.
Rolling over and sitting up
Crawling all over
Chewing on everything
Does not like binkies
Just started waving
Gets shy when people talk to him and hides his face
Loves bath time and sits up by himself
Refuses to eat baby food and only wants adult food
Feed all bottles to himself and does not want anyone to feed him
Goes to bed at 7 but still wakes up at 11:30, 2,4-5, 6:30 and up for the day around 7-7:30.
Eating 6 oz every 3-4 hour
Saturday, February 6, 2016
My baby Braden
Gosh how you have grown this month. You started rolling and scooting all over the place just after you turned 7 months and in the last couple days (2/2/16) You can crawl. You can sit up for long periods of time. You always like to have mama in sight but sometimes want to play on your own. You no longer like to be held and fed a bottle but prefer to feed yourself. You also no longer need to be rocked to sleep and put yourself to sleep every nigh that past month. You refuse to eat baby food but will eat any adult food I let you try. Even though you mostly end up just gagging on it you still beg to keep trying. Still no teeth my late bloomer, but that does not stop you. The last week of January you had "the diaper rash from hell" it seriously lasted a week and your poor bum is still healing. Not sure what it was, but it was a nasty tummy bug for sure.
You smile all the time at your family. You have the deepest belly laughs that I just want to catch in a box and keep forever.
I think you are pretty good at sleeping now but I believe the 8-10 month old sleep regression is going to happen soon. So we will see. It's such a cruel joke that as babies start to form a sleep schedule they hit these stages of regression and it's hard on everyone. For now you go to bed at 7pm. Wake (sometimes) around 12, always 3, usually 5:30 or 6:30 and then up for the day around 7-7:30. I was more hopeful that you would be sleeping a solid 12 hours by now but I think you lack of eating baby cereal or anything else just keeps you less full at night.
Then you take your first nap around 10am and sleep anywhere from 45 min to an hour and a half. It's wonderful. Next your up for the day and playing till a nap between 2-3 and this one I consider your good nap. It's been close to two hours these days. It's been so nice. Gives me time to spend with Madison one on one and get some chores done around the house. So if anything you Are a much better napped than she ever was.
Oh little boy I just love you so much. You make my momma heart so happy. And maybe it's because your dad swears that we are done having kids, but I feel like we have a special kinda bond. I've heard boys have a special love for their moms before; I guess I never believed it. You can drive me crazy and ,y arms want to fall off from holding you so often but these days are already going too quickly.
I feel like my free time is almost non existent these days. Shoot I can't even keep this journal up to date for you guys right now. The saying goes "the days are long but the years are short" and yes as cheesy as it is, it is 100% accurate.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
7 months with our boy
Weight 14.5lb
Size 2 diapers
Clothing 6-9 months
Shoes 2
Dislikes eating solids prefers to be bottle fed all day long. Did try coconut milk and sweet potatoes this month. Still drinking about 4oz every 3 hours but you cluster feed before bed and can drink up to 9 oz.
Can hold his own bottle and feed himself when he wants to.
Has deep belly laughs that are contagious. And flashes these adorable smiles with that dimple and this momma just melts, even when he's being a total stinker.
Bedtime is still a chore. But you are doing better at crying it out for a few minutes or putting yourself to sleep. It sometimes helps if we give you a little bit of a bottle to hold and drink. Not the safest thing I know but it's never more than 2 oz and I remove it once you're asleep.
You no longer like being swaddled but wear a wearable blanket because sometimes it's cold in your room at night.
Won't crawl. Just rolls around to where ever you want to go. Just barely started scooting around.
Still does not like a binkie much but every once and a while takes one.
No teeth.
Grunts and squeals when he's being ignored or just playing around on the floor.
Sits up for about 10 seconds by himself. Getting a little stronger every day.
Had three laser treatments on the hemangioma. It's getting smaller but I think it will be a while until it's fully gone.
Loves to chew on pizza crust but I'm nervous to give you too many more "snacks" because of your lack of eating solids. You've tried all the baby foods and nothing has really grabbed your attention enough to want to eat the whole jar. So silly.
Anywhere moms is is where you want to be. Sometimes its cute, but sometimes it drives me crazy.
You like to sit on the counter when I'm washing dishes or cooking.
Loves to chew on pizza crust but I'm nervous to give you too many more "snacks" because of your lack of eating solids. You've tried all the baby foods and nothing has really grabbed your attention enough to want to eat the whole jar. So silly.
Anywhere moms is is where you want to be. Sometimes its cute, but sometimes it drives me crazy.
You like to sit on the counter when I'm washing dishes or cooking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)