If the time between this post and the last tells you how quickly time passes in parenthood, then you will truly begin to understand this crazy time. I feel like I was just writing about the first week of school and here we are several months in to it. I am currently sharing a twin size bed with a sweet 5 year old staring at his tiny face in the glow of the hall light. It is giving me some peace in the crazy world of today.
Elections are going on this week. I think the entire country has been in a heightened state of anxiety because of it. Between Trump and Biden the world is split. Shady things going on on both sides and each side is prepared for battle. It’s hard to explain to Madison everything going on with both parties while still maintaining age appropriate answers. The world isn’t just black and white, baby girl. THERE IS SO MUCH GREY. Polls closed tuesday and we still don’t know who won. Big cities have boarded up their shops to avoid destruction during the possible riots. RIOTS?! This is the world I am raising my kids in, and I hate it. Covid turned the world upside down. 7 months ago I enjoyed the extra time with my kids and staying inside all together, but it had turned the outside world into and ugly place. I am thankful they have been able to return to school and have some sort of normal schedule, I know my friends in California haven’t been as lucky.
I am trying my hardest to raise my children to be good people but I have felt drained this week. Felt like the things I am doing aren’t enough and find myself overwhelmed often because of it. This journal has been like therapy to me. I am honest. I vent all my feelings both good and bad. I’m sure at times it seems like this whole thing is only complaining, I don’t mean for it to be. I just want the honest record of it all. When my kids are older and having babies of their own I don’t want to have the “rose colored glasses” remembering everything as perfect. That isn’t helpful to new parents. I want my kids to know they aren’t alone in this whole parenting thing. So my babies, if this comes off harsh I hope you understand it isn’t meant to be. I love you both so deeply and I already get depressed thinking about how quickly the time is going by.
