Motherhood is

Challenging. Educational. Rewarding. Exhausting. Spiritual. And so much more

I think of what a blessing it has been to be your mother. I know you were chosen to come to this family. I think of how lucky I am to have a beautiful and healthy baby to play with each day. I take it for granted all too often. I lose my temper sometimes but I know the day will pass and I can try again tomorrow to be a better parent. 

18 months has been a very hard age for me. You now have wants but can not express them verbally and just scream at me. I can not tell you how much it makes my blood boil. I try to guess everything you may want but then sometimes you are just yelling to yell. You have so much attitude for such a tiny girl. You decide when you want to behave and when you want to be a terror. This week in target you threw a huge fit. I was completely embarrassed. You thrashed around and kicked and screamed because I wouldn't let you run wild through the store. So embarrassed, I picked you up and ran out of the store as everyone watched. You stinker.  Then you misbehave another day in another store but quickly obey me and we have an enjoyable shopping experience. You are like a box of chocolates, I never know what I am going to get. (Yes I just quoted from forest gump) 

I am just lucky to have you. The good and the bad. Today I read a story about a young mother with a little girl about your age. The daughter was born with brain cancer and is sadly losing her battle. She does not have much longer on this earth. My heart completely breaks for this poor mother planning a funeral for her small baby. Never getting to see the woman she would have become. 

You grow something new when you have children. It's called a "mommy heart" it's attached right along side to your normal heart but the strings are much tighter and easily tugged on. Things that you once never gave thought to, now bring tears to your eyes. You have a deeper understanding of compassion and empathy. I believe this mommy heart has made me a better person and is a huge part of the woman I am today. But that is all another story for another day. 

I am learning each day to be a better mother. I may not be the mother you want, but I will always be the mother you need. I am strict, but that is because I have been down those roads and made those mistakes. Please listen to my council. I promise I am only here to love and protect you. I want you to be here forever. 

I love you little girl.