Strange feeling

Today is a strange day. I feel off. I don't know how to explain it. Today is Mother's Day so I made the effort to go to church. During the whole three hours I was averaging contractions about every 12 minutes. During relief society it was so hot in the room that I began sweating and making me more uncomfortable that i decided to leave early and go sit in the car. There was Zach taking a nap. He's been working hard the last couple days and was exhausted and is coming down with a cold so the poor guy is beat. After church we went to the Lyman's for the usual BBQ chicken dinner and we found out Nate and Natalie are engaged!! So excited for them. We have been hoping and waiting forever that these two would finally end up together. On another note Aaron and lindsay were extra grumpy today and didn't say much of anything to anyone. Who knows what was going on there. 

Anyways after dinner I continue to feel crappy. Contractions are irregular but uncomfortable. I asked Zach to take me home. By then they were averaging 9 minutes apart. We got Madison ready for bed and she was a little more clingy then usual. Finally got her to sleep. Decided to repackage my hospital bag just incase and then laid on the couch counting contractions. 

I am sick to my stomach and I can't decide if this is the beginning of another stomach bug or if something else is going on. We tried to go to bed and we we're maybe asleep for an hour before Madi woke up at midnight and is cuddled at my side right now. I however am now WIDE awake and have been for over an hour. Still feeling funny.... And now I'm hungry of all things?  But I'm not going to eat. 

I said a prayer a few hours ago asking Heavenly Father for help deciding what was going on with my body. If baby boy was to come today, I am ok with that, I just need a clear sign that that was what was going on so I knew if we needed to go to the hospital. So far I have had  no clear sign as I sit here wide awake...listening to my sick husband and little girl both snoring and feeling contractions every once and a while. 

Ok well I just kicked Zach out to go sleep in Madison's room. That man is LOUD. I hate having to do that but if I have any chance of getting some sleep tonight it's what needs to happen. 

Maybe I'm just nervous? I know that after tomorrow (technically today as I write this) that they will no longer stop the labor if I truly go in to labor. So maybe I'm just freaking myself out. I also worry that my mom won't be able to get here in time and who will watch and take care of Madison. I worry that he is coming early and the nicu bill will be big and he will be so small. I worry how Madison will deal with it all. I worry about going through labor and delivery all over again. It's funny. I remember a lady at church pregnant with her 6th kid at the time telling me how she was nervous for the delivery. I thought you must be crazy, you've been through this several times. Nothing to worry about. I feel like the opposite is true. You learn how everything works and know more of what can go wrong. I want to go back to the naive woman who had no idea what was going to happen. 

I don't think I even had a birth plan with Madison and I don't have one with this baby either. Ok that's a lie. The birth plan has always been... Take the drugs... Listen to the doctor... Have a baby. How much more detailed does it need to be? I feel like when we set up these desires for our life on things that are very much out of our control, we are just asking for disappointment. 

Alright. Maybe I need to try and get some sleep. Or at least lay here in the dark until my water breaks or the sun comes up.