Today was a rough day. Zach was gone and we were were at our wits end. First day of summer and by 11am we've run out of things to do. My children have a hard time understanding that we can't go to the zoo and spend lot of money every single day. Summer has begun and lots of the time will be spent at our house just finding stuff to do.
I told Madison that to "earn" technology she needed to do homework or chores. Each page or chore would be worth 5 minutes. She got angry and this morning refused to do any work. She is upset at every suggestion and saying "IM BORED" over and over. I had finally had enough and yelled at her.
She responded with "If you were a better Mother, you'd be ashamed of yourself right now"
Ouch. Those words stung so deeply. I know she didn't know what she was saying but how much truth echoed through her words. If you were a better mother, you'd be ashamed of yourself right now. Woof. I thought about this the rest of the day as we continued to argue and find no common ground. It was a hard day for both of us. Then when we finally made amends and things started to cheer up, brother decided to have a bad day and things came crashing down again. It felt like I just couldn't win today.
Parenting is never easy. We have good days. We have bad days. Our children see all of that. What kind of mother do I want them to remember? One that yells? One that is always angry? Or do I want them to remember one that is kind, and spoke softly, one who helped others, was always singing or humming a song. One who truly loved them.
Madison fought dirty today. At another point in our day she said she hated this house and wished that we still lived in our tiny apartment because I was nicer there. Man she really knows how to pack those bunches. Its opened a lot of Mommy Self Reflection on my part. Hopefully it will be a good thing and tomorrow will be better. However, I'm terrified to fight with her as a teenager. Lets pray she does not fight dirty then or I may end up curled up bawling in the corner.
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